The Coveting of Scrubs

I am pretty sure this will be a massive ramble but I'm going to let it flow out anyway.

I have wanted to be a doctor for a long time. Family would never support me in this. Only my husband and a few super close friends ever have. Eye rolls are something I have gotten accustomed to in my family. My sister is the "focused one" and I'm just the dreamer. I know how I am perceived. Funny thing about perception, it doesn't really tell you shit about shit. I started a degree in Surgical Technology in 2006 because I thought that would give me a foot into the medical field. Being a mother, my days and time are never really my own. But now, five years later, I still watch all these shows on tv, Grey's, old ER episodes, Discovery Health and all I think is "I could have been one of them". I watch my mom watch COPS, court shows and CSI and all these Criminal Justice shows. I said to her once "mom you love this stuff so much you should go back to school for it." She always says "Nah, its too late now." And although I know my mom is REALLY good at her job in finance/banking and all that, I always wonder...does she feel how I feel when I watch medical shows?

It is silly really. Going back to school now. How stupid. I have three kids, I don't use the degree I have now (the field is too overrun with BAPsychers that you can only be competitive with a Master, PhD or PsyD), I make cakes and run a business, and Ben just started his Bachelors degree all over again. But still....

I miss the feel of scrubs.

Sh*t or get off the pot

I am coming to this not so nice place where I either need to really give TCB everything or I need to find a day job/get my masters/finish Surgical Tech. Its a lot to think about. I LOVE what I do with cakes and the shop but I am still not pulling in the business I need to make this a "full time paycheck". A lot of the money I make goes right back in or sucked into my house bills which makes it impossible to GROW TCB into what it needs to be. I feel like I have a constant headache. Oh, its a stress headache that I know for sure. I just wish I knew how NOT to have one....

Cliff notes of lately

Wow I have not been blogging. Shame on me. So much has happened since my last blog entry! Here is the foot note version and I'll go into more detail in tomorrow's post.

Violette is completely healthy, becoming quite the roli-poli like her sister and has started to eat baby food.

Sav, has learned the word "NO" and is now a complete little Diva who throws fits worthy of her own reality show.

Aidan is growing taller and taller and is now swimming without "swimmies" in the pool.

Ben is miserable at his job but has found comfort in a weekly game night with his "boys" which has actually lead me to a fabulous new girlfriend as well.

Karaoke is back in my life, thank goodness because I really do find that to be so stress relieving and a fun way to get out.

I have started running and trying to eat healthier.

I reconnected with a long lost friend from middle school that I never thought I would see again in my life only to be spending laughter filled afternoons together with our kids.

And finally The Cake Biz is on fire. I am working longer and harder at making it a success and it is really paying off!

Off to bed now I have a meeting for TCB in the morning and then a much deserved massage scheduled for noon (thank you Groupon! I got this massage off of Groupon.com for ) 60% off like 4 months ago and I am finally using it!)

Best Dr. Phil advice ever...

I have recently fallen in love with Dr. Phillip McGraw, aka Dr. Phil. I LOVE this take on things. I am yet to see a show or read an article or book by him that I do not agree with. This week he had two couples on his show that were not being honest about money with each other. Like one would cash her check on the way home on Fridays and hand her husband the same amount of money every week saying she was salary when in fact she was hourly and making WAY more than he thought. Another got $8k in a settlement and never told him....and spent every dime over the past year. They were talking about getting divorced and not being happy and Dr. Phil had this to say to them.

"I think we pull the trigger on divorce in America way too quickly. I think if you're going to get a divorce, you've got to earn your way out, and that means you've got to do all the work. You have to turn over every stone, investigate every avenue of rehabilitation you can before you quit."

This is what I could find of the quote from the episode online without having to buy the entire transcript...which I may just do because his speech at the end was THAT moving to me. But I agree. Its easy to walk away. Its easy to say, I'm done. Its easy to just close the door. Its hard to look in the mirror, assess what is damaged, and find a way to fix what was once "perfect". It is no secret in my life that I have an awful taste in my mouth because of my parents divorce when I was 19 years old. I'm not going to say I never thought of it, but I would like to know that if it ever came to that that I "earned" it. That I worked every second, of every minute, of everyday to try to make things work between me and my partner. I already said it but I'll say it again, I love Dr. Phil.

Just as I predicted...

141.2 lbs this week. That's UP 3.2lbs.

FFS. Time to stop cheating the diet and get back to the rules and exercise. $*#&#^&$*$(&#(*#&^*W&^*@#)(!@&@(#*^

Week from Hell

This week was easily one of the worst weeks of my life. Violette Rose is terribly ill. Multiple trips to Hasbro by ambulance and alternating that with trips to the pediatrician in the last four days has left Ben and I at the end of a very quickly fraying rope. Vi has been diagnosed with Severe RSV Brochiolitis. It is a common cold type virus but when infants get it it is harder to treat, fight, and control. Especially when they are only 4 months old like Vi. RSV can then lead to pneumonia or brochiolitis. We got the option two...and today were told that maybe even the start of option one. Fabulous. Vi also has a baby yeast infection, an ear infection and thrush. She is on a nebulizer round the clock until further notice and has to be seen by the pediatrician everyday for the next 5 days. Apparently this is the worst of it they say. The first week is the worst....it then plateaus symptoms for a week, and finally in week three they start to recover. In the meantime, since we have seen her turn blue, choke on her own mucas, and basically scare the living shit out of us Ben and I are on shifts never sleeping at the same time so that one of us can always have an eye and ear on her. Ben takes Midnight to 5am and I get up at 5am and he sleeps until Lunch at noon. Then at 1:30pm I get another hour or so of sleep while thing one and two are napping and he stays up with Vi. Then he goes to work at 4 and I am up till midnight when the whole thing starts again. Not my idea of a good time but when you are a parent you do what you need to do for your kids. And we would do anything.

In other news from Hell this week, The Cake Biz was denied its business license because the kitchen that I rent was not up to date with all of its kitchen safety, building inspection, fire code crap. This made me cry almost the entire way home from our meeting with the fire marshal since I have put everything we have into this business and I'm paying rent for a place that is not what I signed up to pay rent for. I can't get my business license till they fix this now, which means I can not advertise, or buy my supplies wholesale, or legally run my business now. I mean I physically can, the catering company is still functioning in there and they give you X amount of days to fix the issues so its not on lockdown or anything but it is just the point. It was supposed to be an easy transition into the Providence location and its turning into a headache. First with my fridge not working, being repaired and STILL not working correctly and now this. My head wants to explode. I laugh to keep from crying.

On Easter's Eve I was slammed and baking from 8am-11pm straight when I had to make a new batch of cream cheese frosting. I made it. I flipped the switch on the hobart mixer off and went to stick my pinky in to take a taste, er, quality check inspection, when WHAM! My hand, wrist and lower arm are pulled FORCEFULLY into the paddle on the machine mashing my hand between it and the steel bowl. Yeah, not my brightest moment. End result; 3 fractures in my right hand and a dislocated bone...and A LOT of swelling and bruising. But I'm a business owner damn it and I had orders to fill. I left the hospital at 1am, after driving myself there from The Cake Biz at 11:15pm, professionally wrapped by medical staff only to rip it off the second I got back to The Cake Biz and realized I could not hold a pastry bag or ice cookies with the splint on. Ah well. Today is 4 almost 5 days later and my hand still hurts when I pick up Savannah or write with a pen but other than that I feel fine. I think being overly distracted with Vi is actually helping to keep my mind off of it.

Vi has also helped to keep my mind off my diet and my ass out of the gym. Tomorrow's weight in should be a doosey.

138.4

17th day of the 17 day diet. I'm done with Cycle One and start Cycle Two tomorrow. I was successful in having no alcohol for C1 but I slipped twice with bread (once at brunch with June and again today out to dinner with the family), I was able to avoid cheese, peanut butter and pasta the entire 17 days...which I am super proud of myself for. I did have a HUGE slip on day 12 when I ate thin mints, and a donut....and a burger from burger king but I actually felt awful (literally sick to my stomach) the remainder of the day/night and into the next morning. I didn't exercise everyday for 17 minutes but I would say I did 11 out of the 17 days, some days for an hour at the Y. I learned I actually love green tea and it is possible to drink 64 ounces of water a day. All in all I am excited to start the next cycle and see what I can do with that. I'm happy to state that I have lost 10.4 pounds so far. 15 to go! Off to bed now...I've got a cardio class in the AM.