Drained

I feel so completely drained. I haven't been able to do anything lately. Work, take care of kids, clean house, do laundry, sleep, get up, work, take care of kids, clean house, do laundry, sleep, get up, work, take care of kids, clean house, do laundry....

I miss my girlfriends. I miss going out with my husband. I miss having time to myself.

I do love my new job at DD's and I LOVE that I know there is additional money coming into the house to help tackle the bills now that I'm there its just so hard to find a balance. I need to get a gym membership asap or I'm going to go insane from not running. That is my outlet. I NEED to run. Its so therapeutic. And I feel like a million buck afterwards.

I am going to start The Happiness Project on the first of the year. I've had the book since March but have literally been waiting for the New Year to start it. And I need to finish my Dr. Phil book (that man is a genius).

I felt so rejuvenated after my six day stay at Butler Campus last month. Group therapy with Maria, Eric and Matt was the biggest help and I learned things about myself and my situation that I don't think I would have ever figured out on my own. I got a new psychiatrist, new medication (really the old stuff I stopped taking but a new dosage), and a therapist that I meet in the new year. Things are better at home, mostly because I have a new skill set on how to handle life here and Ben and I are getting back on track as well. Our trip to VT and the renewal of our vows was the catalyst in that case.

Off to go attack the laundry...and dishes...and then sleep, get up, work, take care of the kids.......

129.8

That's right! I'm UNDER 130lbs!

*Happy Dance*

Yay for running, eating right, and a few boxing classes!

Walmart Wednesday

My bestie Sara has a blog/link/jump thing that she does that's called Target Tuesday.

I, am a regular at Walmart so I thought I would counter that with a Walmart Wednesday.

This is a fabulous store. Mind you the quality is not so hot, but when you are a family of five that blows through clothes and necessities like wildfire spreads in California you gotta do what you gotta do. Not to mention any place with cheap groceries, baby products, health and beauty, a pharmacy, nail salon and anything else you can imagine all under one roof that saves me from loading and unloading a kindergartener, a toddler, a baby and a monster double stroller in and out of a corolla gets my vote. So without further ado...the purchases of fabulosity this week are:


You won't see anything cause my stupid computer freezes everytime I try to upload a photo now.

Awesome.

It was a kick ass sweater and scarf.

Sorry you missed it.

The Coveting of Scrubs

I am pretty sure this will be a massive ramble but I'm going to let it flow out anyway.

I have wanted to be a doctor for a long time. Family would never support me in this. Only my husband and a few super close friends ever have. Eye rolls are something I have gotten accustomed to in my family. My sister is the "focused one" and I'm just the dreamer. I know how I am perceived. Funny thing about perception, it doesn't really tell you shit about shit. I started a degree in Surgical Technology in 2006 because I thought that would give me a foot into the medical field. Being a mother, my days and time are never really my own. But now, five years later, I still watch all these shows on tv, Grey's, old ER episodes, Discovery Health and all I think is "I could have been one of them". I watch my mom watch COPS, court shows and CSI and all these Criminal Justice shows. I said to her once "mom you love this stuff so much you should go back to school for it." She always says "Nah, its too late now." And although I know my mom is REALLY good at her job in finance/banking and all that, I always wonder...does she feel how I feel when I watch medical shows?

It is silly really. Going back to school now. How stupid. I have three kids, I don't use the degree I have now (the field is too overrun with BAPsychers that you can only be competitive with a Master, PhD or PsyD), I make cakes and run a business, and Ben just started his Bachelors degree all over again. But still....

I miss the feel of scrubs.

Sh*t or get off the pot

I am coming to this not so nice place where I either need to really give TCB everything or I need to find a day job/get my masters/finish Surgical Tech. Its a lot to think about. I LOVE what I do with cakes and the shop but I am still not pulling in the business I need to make this a "full time paycheck". A lot of the money I make goes right back in or sucked into my house bills which makes it impossible to GROW TCB into what it needs to be. I feel like I have a constant headache. Oh, its a stress headache that I know for sure. I just wish I knew how NOT to have one....

Cliff notes of lately

Wow I have not been blogging. Shame on me. So much has happened since my last blog entry! Here is the foot note version and I'll go into more detail in tomorrow's post.

Violette is completely healthy, becoming quite the roli-poli like her sister and has started to eat baby food.

Sav, has learned the word "NO" and is now a complete little Diva who throws fits worthy of her own reality show.

Aidan is growing taller and taller and is now swimming without "swimmies" in the pool.

Ben is miserable at his job but has found comfort in a weekly game night with his "boys" which has actually lead me to a fabulous new girlfriend as well.

Karaoke is back in my life, thank goodness because I really do find that to be so stress relieving and a fun way to get out.

I have started running and trying to eat healthier.

I reconnected with a long lost friend from middle school that I never thought I would see again in my life only to be spending laughter filled afternoons together with our kids.

And finally The Cake Biz is on fire. I am working longer and harder at making it a success and it is really paying off!

Off to bed now I have a meeting for TCB in the morning and then a much deserved massage scheduled for noon (thank you Groupon! I got this massage off of Groupon.com for ) 60% off like 4 months ago and I am finally using it!)

Best Dr. Phil advice ever...

I have recently fallen in love with Dr. Phillip McGraw, aka Dr. Phil. I LOVE this take on things. I am yet to see a show or read an article or book by him that I do not agree with. This week he had two couples on his show that were not being honest about money with each other. Like one would cash her check on the way home on Fridays and hand her husband the same amount of money every week saying she was salary when in fact she was hourly and making WAY more than he thought. Another got $8k in a settlement and never told him....and spent every dime over the past year. They were talking about getting divorced and not being happy and Dr. Phil had this to say to them.

"I think we pull the trigger on divorce in America way too quickly. I think if you're going to get a divorce, you've got to earn your way out, and that means you've got to do all the work. You have to turn over every stone, investigate every avenue of rehabilitation you can before you quit."

This is what I could find of the quote from the episode online without having to buy the entire transcript...which I may just do because his speech at the end was THAT moving to me. But I agree. Its easy to walk away. Its easy to say, I'm done. Its easy to just close the door. Its hard to look in the mirror, assess what is damaged, and find a way to fix what was once "perfect". It is no secret in my life that I have an awful taste in my mouth because of my parents divorce when I was 19 years old. I'm not going to say I never thought of it, but I would like to know that if it ever came to that that I "earned" it. That I worked every second, of every minute, of everyday to try to make things work between me and my partner. I already said it but I'll say it again, I love Dr. Phil.