It's just me, myself and I

Its 1:33am

I am once again left disappointed and alone at the end of what should have been a fun and lovely evening. My "best friend", or so he would like to be called, quit smoking yesterday, after starting up again in secret over a month ago. As a result of his sudden stop in nicotine intake I have endured nasty comments and snippy remarks all day. We also didn't make our family outing as planned today.

Tonight, we had friends and some family over for games, drinks, and snacks as we usually do once a month. As usual I was incharge of gathering all the food, supplies, and drinks for the evening as well as making dinner. No biggie, I'm used to it. My issue comes from the promise of a new man, the promise of the man I married that has somehow faded into the darkness and has been swallowed by "distractions". Distractions that morph from day to day. One day cigarettes, the next day alcohol, the next day TV, the next day online poker...which tonight resulted in the TV being on while company was here (a well know pet peeve of mine) and the actual rudeness of playing poker on his cell phone while we tried to play a group game and have adult conversation with our guests.

Where did you go? Where are you? I miss you and I want you back. Two weeks ago I was promised your return and since then....you are still MIA and my heart is breaking.

The Switch-a-roo

Pretty sure Ben and I are going to change the new baby's name...Rosalie is too close to Savannah Rose, which is what we call Savs most of the time. So, we are going back to our very first girl name choice when we found out it was a girl at the 16 week ultrasound, Violet. And just for shits and giggles (and because Lucia doesn't go with Violet...it starts to sound like Violently when you yell it) we may just give her my middle name, Jean. Violet Jean Norman.

Let's see if this one sticks.

Breathing again

So, I've started breathing again. My bestest and I got our kids together yesterday afternoon for a few hours of fun at the children's museum. It was our first time hanging out since the awful day we discovered that my son has "extreme/intense temperament" and assaulted one of her kids, badly. I feared for the last few weeks that our friendship would end over this event and even though neither of us would have seen it coming it still pained me to an insanely guilty state. I mention Meg in a lot of my blog entries so I am sure anyone who reads knows what she means to me. She is my rock. I have been at a loss in the last few weeks without her. I didn't want to over crowd her and in advice from a mutual friend gave her the time and space to heal a bit and then contact me. When I saw her yesterday at the museum I wanted to jump out of my chair, give her the biggest hug and just start crying (a mix of both joy and sadness, sadness over what happened but joy over the fact that she was there in front of me once again).

But I didn't. I stayed put in my seat, fed Savs and we went about our normal conversation. I can not believe how big her son has gotten and how fast he is moving/running around! I missed him. I missed her. I missed our little jumble of freak show kiddie fun together. You know how they say it takes a village? Not true. It takes one reeeeeeeeeeally good friend who understands what you mean, how you feel, and what your going to do.... before you even have to say it. That's Meg.